


The Finland Clause

by 21PilotsWithGuns



Category: Hetalia: Axis Powers, Santa Clause (Movies)
Genre: Gen, M/M, a christmas present for my friends, generally the elves are a bit more organised, hope its as funny as i imagined it, talk of the mrs claus clause and curtis so not only the first movie is referenced, wow this doesn't pass the bechdel test rip
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-26
Updated: 2017-12-26
Packaged: 2019-02-20 15:04:38
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,349
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13149180
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/21PilotsWithGuns/pseuds/21PilotsWithGuns
Summary: Christmas fic. Crossover of Hetalia where Finland is Santa Clause and the Tim Allem Movies "The Santa Clause" (1 and hints of 2). Really just a silly little Christmas gift. Enjoy!





	The Finland Clause

**Author's Note:**

> For Angel, Cous, Jay, Leah, Mimi, Neep, Ro, Rose, Sarah and Tim
> 
> M'rry Chr'stm's
> 
> I got this idea a while ago and caught back on it when there was talk of Christmas presents one day.
> 
> This is of course for anyone to read, but written for the people mentioned above, love you guys, Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays, most of us aren't even Christian but well this is clearly a christmas story so whatever, here ya go!

 

19020’s

A green band of light wound itself lazily across the sky, providing light to a sleeping village and its sole awake and habitant.

It was a silent night. Snow fell heavily, covering up Finland's footprints. The whole village was asleep under a thick white blanket. The nation’s senses told him that he was the only one awake. And that he should have brought a warmer jacket. He was freezing cold.

Suddenly he heard a noise from above. Someone… Someone was on the roof of the house in front of him. 

“An– anteeksi?” He called but received no reaction.

“Anteeksi herra!” He called, louder this time.

He could have sworn the guide turned around and  _ waved _ at him. The nerve! Breaking into Finnish homes in front of him! He quickly gathered some snow and with his impeccable aim he threw a snowball at the house breaker. This made the man stumble and fall.

“Perkele!!!” Finland exclaimed and rushed over to where the man was lying on the ground. He seemed to be unconscious or… worse.

No, he was most definitely dead. The only thing Tino could do now was search for some kind of identification…

What he found was a card saying “If anything should happen to me put on my suit, the reindeer will know what to do”

Confused the nation stared at the card and then the place the body  _ had  _ been.

Put on the suit, huh? Well, it was really cold after all. Despite all better logic he did as the card said. 

After putting on the suit he felt some sort of tingling but his nation healing abilities quickly fought it. Probably just fleas.

When eight reindeers arrived with a sleigh he didn't even question it anymore. 

“Do… do you want me to get in?” He asked. They look like they were nodding, so that's what he did. And then they flew. 

When they touched the ground again Tino looked around, scared they might have crossed the border to Russia. But he was calmed down fast. They were still in Lappland.

 

Modern Times

 

Scott Calvin was ripped out of Morpheus Arms by his young son Charlie.

“Dad! Dad!”   
“W-What?” He asked sleepily

”I heard a clatter.”

“What, Charlie?”

“There! A clatter!”

”Charlie, what are you talkin' about?”

“You know, ‘it came a big noise.’” Charlie tried to remind him of the passage in the bedtime story his father had read him. “It's coming from outside.   
“Charlie, it's just the wind or somethin'.” Scott really didn't want to deal with this right now. “Come on. Let's go back to bed.” but then he too heard it ”Somebody's on the roof.”

”Maybe it's Santa.” Charlie guessed.

Scott was truly awake and out of bed by now. “Not now, Charlie. I want you to sit here, and I want you to stay right there.”

He prepared to go outside, still just dressed in this night clothes. Turning around once more he asked ”Charlie, do you know how to call 911?”

“Sure. 9.1.1..” confirmed his son.

“Yeah. Great. Stay there.” And with that he headed out.

On the roof of the house was a man– Boy?– dressed in a red suit but clearly lacking all the other traditional Santa features. The suit also seemed way too big for him.   
“Hey, you!” Scott called up to him.

“Mikä tuo o-OOOO!” Said the man, or tried to say, as he lost his footing on the snow covered roof and fell to the ground while Scott could only watch helplessly.

Once the boy had hit the ground he carefully approached him.

“Whoo-hoo!” He kicked his boot. “Hey, buddy.” 

There was no reaction.   
“All right, you should just stay still.” Still no reaction. “Perfect.”

That was when the door of the house opened once more and Charlie stepped out. He took one look at the body on the ground and exclaimed “You got him!”

“Charlie, stay where you are,” Scott demanded but to no avail. ”Charlie, would you listen to me? Stay up there!”

“It is Santa!” Charlie observed, stepping closer to the body. “You killed him.” ”Did not,”Scott protested. ”And he's not Santa. He doesn’t even look like him apart from the suit…” But there, in front of their eyes the man suddenly started to fill out and grow the signature white beard.   
“Well, he was.” Observed Charlie.

Scott just blinked at the body. He must have imagined the boy-ish looks earlier, damn sleep deprivation.

“He's got some l.D. on him, I bet,” reasoned the older male. ”Fella, if you can hear me, I'm just lookin' for your identification. Once I figure out who ya are, I'll-- I'll give you a lift back to the mall.” He found a card that only said ‘Santa Claus’ and ‘North Pole’ at first glance. He turned it around to read “‘lf something should happen to me, put on my suit. The reindeer will know what to do.’ Yeah, right.”

Father and son both looked up at the sound of bells chiming. Quickly they scrambled back a few steps to have a clear view of the roof. Where a sleigh stood. Pulled by eight reindeers. 

“Whoa,” was all Charlie could say. Then he looked down just in time to see the body of Santa turn into sparkly dust and disappear.   
“Dad!” He urged. 

”Hey”

”He disappeared.” Charlie was impressed. “Whoa!”    
“He's naked somewhere.” Despite being in absolute denial of the events that had just took place right in front of his eyes Scott turned out to be very right with that statement.

  
  


A good thing about being a nation was that in case you… lost your body and needed a new one you generally popped up somewhere in your own country. A good thing about being in your own country was that you always knew  _ where _ you were.

And that’s how Finland, who, without any doubt had been somewhere in America just minutes before now knew _ Nuuksion kansallispuisto _ . He also knew that it was cold and he was naked, but it wasn’t any special nation ability that told him that.

“Perkele.” He didn’t even have a way to contact anyone seeing as he was in the middle of a forest. Naked. “Perkele!”

Clothes first, he decided. It wouldn’t do freezing to death and being respawned somewhere else that might be even less convenient. At least he was close to Helsinki. Far from Lapland, sure, but he just had to hope that the reindeer would make sure every child got their present.

Tino had been to this National Park many times before therefore he knew which cabins would be most likely booked out around this time. He didn’t like the thought of stealing from his people (or tourists for that matter) but he was forced to do so on occasions like these. 

Finland sprinted towards the place where the cabins were, taking care to not be seen by any humans. He could sense that many Finns were still sleeping, having stayed up long on christmas eve. He just hoped he wouldn’t run into any early risen tourists.

After about twenty minutes he finally reached the cabins he was looking for. By some stroke of luck (or the fact that today was the first day in a week that it wasn’t supposed to snow) almost all of the occupied ones had laundry drying outside and he could feel the Finns inside still sleeping.

He crept closer until he could reach a pair of boxer briefs in a relatively hidden spot. Luckily they just about fit him. He ended up with several more pairs of boxer briefs and shorts, some undershirts, two pairs of sweatpants a sweater and a hoodie and, in lieu of shoes, all the socks he could fit. He made a mental note to let the government pay the rent for all the cabins he had stolen from. 

As soon as his most dire need was (literally) covered he became aware of the next one. His wallet and keys were in Lapland. That meant his only option now was to walk to his city apartment in Helsinki and hope to find someone that could open his door for him. Great. He should have asked Norway to teach him pick locks.

But worrying about that could wait after he had walked the 8 hours to Helsinki. Maybe he could hitchhike for a bit of the way.

 

Scott had thought he could go  _ home _ after delivering all the presents. But that wasn’t where the reindeer had brought him. As the sleigh descended through the ice he was only sure of one thing:  _ this  _ \- whatever  _ this _ was - was far from over.

 

Curtis was running as fast as his legs would carry him. Finally he found the head elf, Bernard.   
“There-, there-!”

“Spit it out already!” Demanded the impatient man.

“There is a new Santa!”

“Finland is dead?” A nearby elf asked, shock evident in her voice.   
“Do you think he killed him?” Another wanted to know.   
“Is that even possible?” A third questioned.

Bernard cleared his throat. “Apparently it is, you know the protocol, follow it." Anyone who didn’t know him as well as Curtis wouldn’t have heard the despair in his voice.

But he was right. This wasn’t the first time this happened and they knew the protocol, so they followed it and welcomed the new Santa accordingly.

 

Sweden had felt it.

It wasn’t an accurate feeling, more like a gut feeling, a leftover from when they had been one. But he knew something was wrong with Finland. It took all he had not to break any speeding laws with the two micronations asleep in the back of his car.   
They had wanted to surprise their mother, Berwald’s wife, his beautiful Tino after he had completed his yearly trip across the globe to deliver presents to the world. Or the part of it that believed in Santa, in any case.

 

“...And then there is of course the Mrs.Claus clause.”

“I beg your pardon?”

“It’s no big deal, since you’re married already, it’s just happens that every Santa Claus needs a Mrs. Claus.” Curtis explained.

“But I’m not married.” Scott protested.

“...But you were talking about your wife and her lawyer earlier…. Oh,” said Bernard.

“Oh,” echoed Curtis.

“Hold on,” Scott had just realized something. If there is always a Mrs. Claus… where is the previous one???”

“He usually lives in Stockholm,” Curtis informed him, “we shouldn’t worry about him coming here before things are sorted out.”

“Wait a second. He!?”

“Yes. He. But as I said he should be far enough away and…” Curtis suddenly stopped.

Bernard looked at him. “Did you  hear that?”

“Hear what?” Scott demanded, panic in his voice.

“ _ Mama?”  _ A young boy’s voice could be faintly heard.

“Oh no!” They said in unison.

“Mama are you here? We saw the reindeer so you got to be! Pappa brought us over to visit… Bernard? Why is that man wearing Mama’s clothes?” All this was said by a blonde boy in a sailor uniform who had just rounded the corner.

The workshop suddenly felt silent. All that could be heard were heavy steps that echoed in the large room.

Before Scott could even see the man  he saw the blue aura he was emitting. Then he looked up. And up. Into the face of the man. He was followed by another young boy, this one with red hair and a scar over his nose.

“You… don’t happen to have come here from Stockholm, do you?” He addressed the blonde kid still staring at him.

“Yes we did. Our pappa lives there!” Great, thought Scott.

“Bernard? Curtis? Any suggestions?” There was no reply as they seemed to be both frozen in fear.

The Swedish man finally came to a halt in front of Scott. He gripped him by ‘his’ jacket’s collar and demanded slowly, with a heavy accent. 

“Wh’re. ‘s. M’. W’fe.”

“Uhm. You are not by any chance referring to a 400 pound guy with a long white beard, are you?”

A low grumble could be heard, produced by the Swede.

“More petite and blonde?” He was lifted a few inches higher and took that as his answer.

“Listen, it was an accident!” The aura around the man seemed to gain in intensity. “I saw someone on my roof, They slipped, fell, and then the body disappeared!!!”

He was sat down. “‘t d’ss’pp’r’d?” He turned to the two elves who were still trembling in fear “‘s th’t norm’l?”

“The… Old Santa’s body disintegrates quickly to not inconvenience anyone.” Curtis haltingly explained.

The blue aura dissipated. “He’s al’ve.” The man declared.

“He is?” Everyone asked in unison.

“I wasn’t worried,” the blonde boy announced.

“Yes, you were,” his red haired brother challenged him.

“Was not.”

“Were.”

“Wasn’t.”

“What do you mean he’s alive,” questioned Bernard.

“You kn’w T’no isn’t hum’n.Wh’n p’plel’ke us l’se th’r b’dy w’ g’t a n’w on’. We c’me b’ck s’mwh’re ‘n our c’ntry, us’lly cl’se t’ th’ c’pit’l.”

“But… if the Claus’s aren’t human, how come the whole Santa Clause thing exists?” Scott wanted to know.

“Nej, y’ d’n’t und’rst’nd. Th’ n’tion ‘f Finl’nd w’s nev’r hum’n t’ b’gin w’th.” What? “‘m Sw’d’n. You c’n c’ll m’ Berwald. ‘nd y’ sh’ld m’ybe g’t out ‘f th’t suit b’fore T’no get’s b’ck h’re.”

It didn’t take long before Berwald received a frantic phone call from Helsinki confirming what he had said. His wife  _ who was the entire nation of Finland somehow  _ was alive and as well as someone who had just died earlier that day could be. Berwald offered Scott and Charlie a ride to the nearest Airport and even payed for their flight back home. Charlie was very disappointed that his father wasn’t the new Santa Clause. He spent the entire ride talking to Peter and Niels ( _ Sealand and Ladonia??? _ ) and the boys had agreed to say in contact by the time the two Americans had to check in for their flight. All three waved as long as they could see each other.

 

The End. For now.

  
  



End file.
